Yes, you are.
What if I told you that you might already be kinky? That’s right, you may have been dipping your toes in the BDSM world for years without even knowing it. In fact, many of us do it often but don’t have a clue. So how can you tell if you’re unknowingly into kink? Before we figure that out we need to unlearn some assumptions about what kink is and isn’t.
-Kink and vanilla (conventional sex) are not polar opposites. Most people think if you’re one you can’t be the other and regardless of which side of the spectrum you fall, your side is “good” and the other is “bad.” In reality, the line between vanilla and kinky is blurry. What each of us considers kinky or vanilla is subjective based upon what society tells us and on our own personal viewpoints.
-By definition kink is classified as any unconventional sexual practice or turn-on. It’s safe to say most of us think conventional/vanilla sex as lights out, missionary position, with no feather or leather anywhere in sight. On the flipside, the majority of us agree activities like spanking, bondage, and roleplay games fall in the kinky camp. But what about all the other things in the middle? How do we classify oral sex, dirty talk, using sex toys, being commanding in the bedroom, assuming a passive role during sex, a smack on the ass, or using a blindfold? These acts may be considered components of vanilla sex to some people and as wild as swinging by the chandelier to others. How do we collectively decide what’s kinky and what isn’t? We can’t. Sex, like every other human experience is subjective.
What is BDSM?
-BDSM is an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism (BDDSSM).
-One popular misconception about BDSM is that practitioners have to enjoy all the letters of the acronym to be “doing BDSM.”
-Another misconception is BDSM is mean, commanding, and dark. If you’ve ever used a blindfold for erotic play or sex, you’ve done BDSM. If you’ve ever smacked someone on the bum during sex or scratched their back, you’ve done BDSM. If you’ve tugged your partner’s hair, you’ve done BDSM!
-BDSM does not have to include sex. It’s important to realize BDSM is defined by acts you are performing & the power dynamic between you and you partners. BDSM can be silly, serious, sensual, loud, quiet, intense, playful, centered around sex, or not include sex at all. It’s unconventional erotic play that can be as mild or intense as you and your partners desire.
"Wow, Im kinky! What now?" I have an online training on Kink & BDSM and the potential therapeutic aspects of it in September 2020. Stay tuned for more information. Alternatively you can book a 1:1 session with me to answer your specific questions about safe and pleasurable ways to engage in BDSM and kink.