Anisa Varasteh

One of the most common questions I hear from clients is: “What does this fantasy mean?” Often, that question is followed by fear. “Does it mean I secretly want to do this?” “Is there something wrong with me?” “Am I a bad person?” For a long time, we’ve approached sexual fantasies as though they were blueprints for behaviour, as if the content of the fantasy tells us what a person wants to do in real life. I have a different approach to understanding sexual fantasies. I often say that desire...

On loss, longing, and the unexpected pathways to erotic aliveness Recently, I have been moving through grief. Things have slowed down—naturally. What is unfolding in my homeland, Iran, has opened something deeper in me. Old wounds, and perhaps older griefs. The grief of distance. The grief of not having been able to return for 23 years. The grief of witnessing from afar. And yet, alongside this, something else has been happening. Over the past year, as I’ve reconnected with Persian culture...

One of the most common concerns people bring to therapy is this: “Nothing is really wrong in our relationship… but something feels missing.” They still love each other. They respect each other. They are committed to the life they are building together. And yet, somewhere along the way, desire has quietly faded. There has been no dramatic rupture. No betrayal. No obvious crisis. Just the slow, almost invisible shift from lovers to partners managing life together. Many couples assume the issue...