Anisa Varasteh

One of the most common concerns people bring to therapy is this: “Nothing is really wrong in our relationship… but something feels missing.” They still love each other. They respect each other. They are committed to the life they are building together. And yet, somewhere along the way, desire has quietly faded. There has been no dramatic rupture. No betrayal. No obvious crisis. Just the slow, almost invisible shift from lovers to partners managing life together. Many couples assume the issue...

It’s That You Don’t Want This  Sex. Low desire is one of the most common concerns I hear in my clinical practice.   And almost always, people arrive carrying one of two harmful explanations. The first is: “You’re doing something wrong.”   So you’re given more tools. More techniques. More videos. More frameworks.   How to touch better. How to turn each other on. How to be more exciting or seductive.   And underneath all of it is this message:   You’re not trying hard enough. You’ve become...

The short answer is: yes. The longer answer is more interesting. The other day, a couple sat across from me feeling quietly disappointed about their relationship. There was affection between them. They described themselves as a good team — aligned in many practical ways, supportive of one another. And yet, neither of them felt desire for sex. This wasn’t a new issue. It had been present for some time. As we unpacked it further, something unexpected emerged: they held different political...