Tell Me Your Political Orientation and I’ll Tell You Your Sexual Fantasies

The Psychology of Sexual Fantasies

I said this to a friend the other day, half-jokingly:

“Tell me your political orientation and I’ll tell you your sexual fantasies.”

She leaned in.

“Go on.”

When I explained what I meant, she burst out laughing and said,

“I don’t know how you stop yourself from turning this into a party trick."

The truth is, human sexual fantasies are far more patterned — and socially shaped — than we like to believe.

Most people experience their fantasies as deeply personal, private, and uniquely theirs. And while fantasies certainly feel intimate, decades of research in psychology and sexology consistently show that sexual fantasy follows clear patterns across gender, culture, personality, and even political orientation.

Which is fascinating — and a little unsettling.

Sexual Fantasies Are Not Random

One of the largest contemporary studies on sexual fantasy comes from Dr Justin Lehmiller, who surveyed tens of thousands of people about their erotic imaginations.

What emerged was structure.

Clear themes repeated themselves across demographics.

For example:

• People with more left-leaning political orientations were significantly more likely to report fantasies involving bondage, discipline, power exchange, and consensual BDSM.

• People with more right-leaning or conservative orientations were more likely to report fantasies involving sex outside of marriage, including affairs or “cheating” scenarios.

These findings often surprise people because they challenge the idea that fantasy is purely about individual taste and preference. 

These patterns don’t mean fantasies are caused by political beliefs — but that both are shaped by broader cultural narratives about control, morality, and permission.

Fantasy is psychological.

And psychology is contextual.

Why Taboo Is So Erotic

One of the most consistent findings in fantasy research is this:

What we are not allowed to want often becomes erotic.

There are two main reasons for this.

1. Fantasy as Integration

From early in life, we learn which parts of ourselves are acceptable — and which parts must be hidden, restrained, or cut off.

The mind doesn’t like fragmentation.

When certain desires, traits, or impulses are deemed “unsafe” or “unacceptable,” the psyche sometimes finds a workaround: it eroticises them.

Fantasy becomes a protected space where these disowned parts can exist — safely, privately, without social consequence.

2. Desire + Obstacle = Arousal

Sexual excitement thrives on tension.

An obstacle — something that can’t be easily had — intensifies desire.

Taboos create built-in obstacles:

• moral rules

• social consequences

• identity conflicts

And that tension is arousing.

But here’s an important nuance:

The taboo has to be psychologically safe enough for the mind to approach it.

Not All Taboos Are Equal

This is where political orientation becomes interesting.

For someone with more conservative values, fantasies involving explicit power exchange, pain, or loss of control may feel too threatening to their sense of identity or safety — even in imagination.

Those fantasies sit outside the mind’s tolerable zone.

But imagining sex outside of marriage?

That may feel like a “safer” rebellion — still taboo, still transgressive, but not identity-shattering.

In other words, fantasy doesn’t just reveal desire.

It reveals where your psychological edges are.

Power Play: The Most Common Fantasy of All

One final piece of data tends to bring people enormous relief:

Across genders, sexual orientations, and relationship styles, the number one sexual fantasy is power play.

Taking control.

Surrendering control.

Being chosen.

Being overpowered.

Being trusted enough to let go.

So if you’ve ever fantasised about dominance or submission — in any form — you are not unusual.

You’re human.

Sexual fantasies are not a referendum on your morals, your values, or who you want to be in real life.

They are maps of meaning — showing us where tension, identity, safety, and desire intersect.

And sometimes, they tell us far more about the culture we live in than about the individual imagining them.